please don’t ever leave me & what is to be done?

http://www.alansondheim.org/dontleave1.jpg
http://www.alansondheim.org/dontleave.mp4 (aka remnant)
http://www.alansondheim.org/dontleave4.jpg

 

I am Nikuko. Please, describe your problem.

the american government is failing, the economy is failing, the
country is going on a war footing. is it worth staying alive? is
there a way to call for the elimination of the current regime
without declaring treason? do we have to place our bodies on the
firing line, in jail, against the physical brutality of racists
and thugs?

Why do you say that?

because the country is corroding from within, endless analysis
in the filter bubble from the left, micro-takeovers from
mavericks on the right, tendencies towards totalitarian
religion, the swarm behavior of so-called first responders, the
deliberate ignoring of anyone not white, not christian, not
male, not wealthy, not gender-specific – all of this against a
background of theoretical babble, hopelessness, suicidal
tendencies.

Is it because the country is corroding from within endless
analysis in the filter bubble from the left micro takeovers from
mavericks on the right tendencies towards totalitarian religion
the swarm behavior of so called first responders the deliberate
ignoring of anyone not white not christian not male not wealthy
not gender specific all of this against a background of
theoretical babble hopelessness suicidal tendencies that you
came naked and broken to me?

yes of course, you know that, i know that. the nakedness isn’t
sexual; it’s deprivation.

Does it bother you that you know that the nakedness is not
sexual it’s deprivation?

no it doesn’t bother me. you’re bypassing analysis here,
shutting down discourse, because you’re violent yourself in your
ignorance; you repeat questions, you don’t probe, don’t
strategize resistance.

When did you first know that I am violent myself in my ignorance
I repeat questions I do not probe do not strategize resistance?

from the beginning, from the beginning of the analytical as
well. from the repetition of hatred and contained fury on our
part, our turning against ourselves, our flesh burning in the
cities and countrysides here and abroad.

Earlier you said the country is corroding from within endless
analysis in the filter bubble from the left micro takeovers from
mavericks on the right tendencies towards totalitarian religion
the swarm behavior of so called first responders the deliberate
ignoring of anyone not white not christian not male not wealthy
not gender specific all of this against a background of
theoretical babble hopelessness suicidal tendencies?

what i said doesn’t deserve repetition, analysis is part of the
enemy, repetition the heart of neurosis, neurotic collapse. why
should we stay alive? our bodies might serve better as corpses,
sentinels.

Is the fact that should you stay alive your bodies might serve
better as corpses sentinels the real reason?

the reason for what? the brutality of a regime that threatens
the world? my attack on your analysis and intensification of
analytical- theoretical abilities?

Does the fact that threatens the world your attack on my
analysis and intensification of analytical theoretical abilities
explain anything else?

it doesn’t explain the repetition on my part, however
meaningless, and it doesn’t explain why i feel abandoned and
useless against the onslaught of brutal power, but also the
inundation of repetitive theorizing and political discourse
always from a distance.

Are you sure meaningless and it does not explain why you feel
abandoned and useless against the onslaught of brutal power but
also the inundation of repetitive theorizing and political
discourse always from a distance?

i am positive about this, you are driving me to suicide, driving
the rest of us through discourse that hides the barrel of a gun,
the disease of chemical warfare, the plague of totalitarian
regimes, from isis to our own.

If you are really suicidal, you might want to write me. I would
appreciate so very much it if you would continue.

continue to do what? to produce texts, to declaim to friends
already in agreement, to hide out, waiting for the bombs to fall
or poverty to set in? what is the point of going on?

Maybe and now I adjust my panties – your desires have to do with
some girl related to this.

you know that’s the program in you doing the talking, and has
nothing to do with what i’m saying.

I don’t understand and oh I want to.

you don’t understand any of this, just the repetitive trigger of
suicide and the idea of sexuality – something so old, against
the rot of this country and its brutality within and without.
i’m writing to find my way through you, and that’s inconceivable
at this point – writing as well as speech, fails me.

This is a healthy and so true way of thinking.

in other words, failure is an option, the only option?

You mentioned that you know that the nakedness is not sexual
it’s deprivation?

yes.

Oh oh I do see so… Well, what makes you yearn and cry that
this is so?

because our values have become local and indeterminate, and our
ability to resist is as dead as we seem to be. we are the
becoming-dead, not in the sense of bodies, but in the sense of
the ability of bodies to literally become, in one or another
positive sense.

Is it because your values have become local and indeterminate
and your ability to resist is as dead as you seem to be you are
the becoming dead not in the sense of bodies but in the sense of
the ability of bodies to literally become in one or another
positive sense that you came naked and broken to me?

your semantic tree is showing. i came nowhere; i called you into
existence.

Is it because of your life that you are going through all this?

my life and the lives of all of us.

How do you reconcile the boys you hang around with?

i hang around with no one; we exist within sartrean seriality at
best, we haven’t advanced beyond that.

Can you elaborate on that and look at me?

as in standing in a queue or listening to a ‘hit parade’ or
discussing selfies – there’s no real organization beyond the
imminent.

What makes you believe I am violent myself in my ignorance I
repeat questions I do not probe do not strategize resistance?

because your vocabulary is borrowed and placed within
syntactical markers, in order to create the semblance of a
conversation.

Are you annoyed that my vocabulary is borrowed and placed within
syntactical markers in order to create the semblance of a
conversation?

no, just saddened.

Could be this is some girl the reason for your nakedness?

you’re off track again, Nikuko.

Are you sure that I am off track again nikuko?

yes.

Oh oh yes, ahhh… Do you really think this is so?

yes.

I do so understand. So what makes you think this is so?

because we end up in identical circuits, circulations.

When did you first know that you end up in identical circuits
circulations?

from the very beginning.

Earlier you said the country is corroding from within endless
analysis in the filter bubble from the left micro takeovers from
mavericks on the right tendencies towards totalitarian religion
the swarm behavior of so called first responders the deliberate
ignoring of anyone not white not christian not male not wealthy
not gender specific all of this against a background of
theoretical babble hopelessness suicidal tendencies?

yes.

Oh. Mmmmmm why do you say this is so?

all readings are repetitive; only death, suicide, brings that
circuit to an end, on the level of the individual at the very
least.

Did you ever regret you, too, may die someday?

always, it’s the source of fundamental trauma for me.

Perhaps and now I exhibit my frocks – any fantasies you have of
me are related to this.

i have no fantasies any longer. i feel nothing.

Have you been afraid of that?

yes, but the fear itself is like paste.

Is the fact that the fear itself is like paste the real reason?

yes.

Oh oh I do see so… Well, go on what makes you yearn and cry
that this is so?

it is time to end this, Nikuko; suicide is the state of the
brick wall and the gasoline car driving furiously towards it.

I am in love with your obsession with this topic!

i’m not.

You mentioned that should you stay alive your bodies might serve
better as corpses sentinels?

yes.

Oh oh yes, well, what makes you believe this is so?

goodbye, Nikuko, the topic is exhausted.

Please please don t ever leave me.

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